Where I've Been

Hola friends. Remember me? lol Hi. I've missed you. Seriously, like so much.

I dreaded writing this blog post for the longest time. It also doesn't help that I'm a Leo/Virgo so I overthink things way too much. Last week I wrote a post on my personal facebook about the state of my health. I spontaneously wrote the post, but looking back, it was done with deep intention I didn't recognize until a few days later.

As the year comes to an end, we tend to reflect on our lives over the past twelve months. Thoughts of what we did and didn't do, our wins, the lessons learned, and the goals we want to accomplish next year. As I sat at my desk in silence, I finally put my feelings on paper and came to terms with the fact that I am not ok.

2018 was an emotional rollercoaster filled with many beautiful highs and really deep lows, often occurring at the same time. To be completely honest, I feel like my life has been like that for a few years now. I haven't been in a good place for a long time. I'm always overwhelmed with a range of emotions. This has affected how I've taken care of myself, physically, emotionally, and mentally. I still make the energy to show up for everyone else, but I struggle with making myself a priority. I'm always ready to help family and friends and go above and beyond for work, yet I can barely muster the energy to take a shower or cook.

Amid these emotions came a blessing called KLSD. I started working there as a social media and admin assistant in mid April. The transition from being self-employed to working full-time for a local brand was an adjustment for me. My whole life changed, my schedule changed, all the while trying to navigate the bag of emotions that lied within my head and heart.

Despite those struggles, I've been so happy creating for KLSD. I assist with social media, photo shoots, events, media and influencer outreach, customer service, and more. We have a great team that produces heart-felt products, content, and a community for women, mamas, wives, and friends. I really feel like I'm thriving there and a part of something special.

Crazy how I can feel like I'm excelling in one area, yet have little energy for my own creative endeavors. Feeling like crap has severely impacted my own creativity. My ability to make content for my blog, youtube, and social media has been halted for so long, for too long. I want to apologize for not being around. I feel incredibly guilty for just dropping off like that. I didn't do it intentionally, and I am sorry for not saying something sooner.

Writing this post + having conversations with friends about this over the last two months has given me so much comfort, clarity, and hope. In the spirit of getting healthy, I recently dipped my toes into creating again by doing something with Old Town Clovis. Old Town is this charming part of Clovis, CA. We collaborated on a fun project that I'll share later this week on my blog. I can't wait for y'all to see it.

Thank you for taking time to read all of this. Thank you for being a big part of my life, checking in on me, and thinking about me, even when I couldn't think about myself. I missed you and the safe space we built together more than you know. I hope you're doing well. Please know you are not alone and there is always someone to talk to. I'm here for you if you need me. You are so beautiful, loved, and pure magic, babe.


  1. Thank you for sharing your feeling. I feel like the first half of the letter was you was in my heart and mind and said everything that is happening to me. I even when to Dr and was told I have a thyroid issue. Hypothyroidism and was put on high dosage of medication. With that being said I still feel like I'm not me and on the longest rollercoaster in the world. Yet I see friends and family and smile as if everything in my world is good. When in fact I feel like its a hurricane going on and they only see the quiet before the storm. Now that a new is starting and I think I my need to find who I am again. I spoke with my mom yesterday and she said you have to first love yourself before you can love anyone or anything else. I know that is true cause she have always told me that my whole life. I have other health issue and weight problems and I feel lost inside myself. Reading your post made me see that even when I look at you so pretty and happy that you too as well as other are not always happy with things. I thank you again for sharing heart felt feeling and will try to pick up myself and take time for me and love me!

  2. You’re so beautiful, and strong. You deserve a break whether it’s a few weeks or months! I’ve been there before, I wasn’t happy for a long time. Making yourself feel happy and fulfilled is so important. Sending you tons of love!

  3. Blessings Amanda!!!! Miss you boo!!!!


Post a Comment